Love is.. solved by Butterfly

I’ve come to learn that ‘love’ is a very subjective and malleable bracket that not many of us understand yet more often than not whole-heartedly (albeit foolishly) immerse ourselves in.

Well you see, I love dogs, but I have a dark desire to kick Chihuahuas, which really are the bastard offsprings when an inebriated dog accidentally fucked a rat. I love Tiramisu, but it’s awfully sinful. I love tattoos, but the process is a bitch.

My compendium of contradictions on love is well capable to qualify for a novel. You should know by now if you’ve actually lived life fulfilling enough (mIRC chatting not included), that love is a make believe, just like Sesame Street, the Boogeyman, dengue fever and AIDS.

I’ve in my state of abeyance come up with an equation through countless lived experiences.

If,

Love = Understanding + Commitment + Patience

Hence,

Love – Understanding = Commitment + Patience

Since if there is ‘Understanding’, there isn’t a need for ‘Patience’, we can omit the two like two double negatives. Which leaves,

Love = Commitment (Edit: Pls see below)

I then realized that if I re-scrambled the letters, it actually says “Liv Come Moment”. Is love really entirely about Liv Tyler’s moment of climax? Since this was too sexually charged and I constantly remind myself that love isn’t just about the Sunday Morning blowjobs, I decided to look deeper into this.

Then I had an epiphany, a rude awakening of sorts. I realized that if I removed the letters ‘ O V E M E N' and added “B U S H” I get the denomination of what love is fundament on.

“BULLSHIT”

Co-incidence? Or is mankind too busy buying flowers, baking cookies and making out at multi-storey carparks to even discover this? Da Vinci must have been leaving us tons of clues to discover this but we’ve been too cropped up with two of humanity’s greater adversities….

Contraceptives and Cholesterol.

When is Love really Love and when is it.. a ‘Like’. This is beyond my comprehension and the value of this debate excites me as much as watching the National Day Rally. It’s important but I don’t really give a fuck unless they have strippers during the interlude.

What I do know is that ‘Love’, no matter how sweet and impermanent it can be is awfully tedious when it ends. Love is an invalid bracket if you don’t juxtapose it with other words like, “crying”, “nagging”, "shouting", "throwing things at a person", “after-morning pills” and “suicide”.

Happy ever afters are only for Disneyland, wake up people! If love to you is an endless summer, your prince stealing you off into the sunset, then you need to stay in Florida. Yes, and I’m sure your prince rides a horse and he’s bronzed tanned, incredibly chiseled and he’s so well hung, you don’t know if it’s him or his horse fucking you. Or maybe you like it both.

Love is a lived experience. We only know it when we lose it. Or when we desperately cling on and coerce ourselves into believing we have it. The guys tell me I don’t understand love because I’m not scarred by it… Correction. I know love. It was when my mum said,

“I bought the Honda you wanted”.

I was so in love with it I refused to watch porn for a week. Now that, is sacrifice. So does this mean,

Love = Sacrifice

Hence, as with all simplification formulas I’ve learnt in secondary school, I take out the common factors,

Vowels ( LV ) = SCRFC
= Nonsense

I conclude again, that love is senseless.. You can disagree with my formula, but you are wrong.

This awakening has also brought about a mild reflection of my life and how miserable I must have made some of the girls feel. My refusal to dish compliments, my abstinence to exclusive dating, my nonchalance to acknowledge the things they’ve done for me. Everything that has happened only fuels to spoil me.

I’ve never really appreciated having lunch sent to my home or office or to have occasional surprise presents. Which explains why I am now prepared to take retribution or less harshly, the consequences of my actions, like a swimmer swimming with lead bars. I might drown, but someone’s probably going to rescue me.

Edit: LB informs me that my equation isn't tangent to correct mathematical preachings. The equation should have been simplified to,

Love = Commitment - (1)

Since understanding and patience are the same and that one was already a negative and hence we can't cancel it in entirety. Which leaves a nominal value of 1. LB believes this value of yet undetermined characteristic is the penis. Cos',

Love = Commitment + Sex

which also means,

Love - Sex = Commitment ( + alot of porn, lubricant and a China hooker)

Since this is very much cohesive to Butterfly's school of thought. I shall agree. So if you are still thinking of keeping your virginity till marriage (you have no idea know how much you're missing out), it's time to go by some candles, lotsa condoms and a whip if you really must.