Sunday, October 23, 2005

Bad Hook-ups Stories

The Ex-Gf story

People, i've learnt that drinking fucks up our reflexes and also our ability to forsee the future. It leads to bad decisions and replies. When i was growing up, *cough* 18 *cough cough*, i got together with this female colleague at Citibank. I was a telemarketer, yup the people u jus hate to hear over the phone.

Anyways, i cant remember what happened the nite before i got attached to this gal, XW. I wake up the next morning to a nightmare. It was the most vivid dream of how XW and me got into this talk and i asked her to be my gf. I was like, 'phew, its all a dream'. The next thing i know, my room phone starts ringing, i stumble out of bed to reach for it, and i get the WORST wake up call EVER!

XW: "Hello Dear!"

U know that feeling when ya world starts spinning u wish u can just slam the phone to earse what u just heard? My world came crashing down, she said 'hello dear' but it had more off the effect of hearing "U have luekemia". Needless to say i remained speechless.

This gal is alright, except she has this damn weird thing about wanting u to check on her every other min. For example, there was this once she was gonna meet her frend in town, i didnt go cos i had stuff to do. She calls to say she's leaving.

10mins later: She calls to ask why i havent called to see where she is. I go 'huh? ok where are u"
XW: Why u never ask where im going ah?
Me: U said u were going town...
XW: ya but town so big mah, i'm going to taka.

15mins later: She calls to ask why i havent called to see if she's reached.
XW: Why u never ask if im there safely?
Me: I take it u are safe...
XW: Ya i am, but i havent reach taka yet, im just walking there only.

5mins later: she calls back to ask why i didn't ask who she was meeting?
XW: Why u dun ask who im meeting ah? U dun care about me ah?
Me: Who?

That was the day i started planning the breakup, which fell exactly one month to the date i woke up to the horrible dream. I was a horrible boy, faced with a crazy gal, and so i freaked. Cant blame me.

The 2 Thai Dancers Story

A while back, LB and me got to know these two thai dancers from a pub. On the looks department, they aren't the Miss Thailand calibre but in all fairness, they ain't ugly either. I cant remember either one of their names but i'll just call them Tom and Yam.

Tom has shoulder length hair, a tattoo of a rose across her belly, and protruding teeth (kinda like the horse mouth type). Yam is less discriptive, but what i do remember is that both had rather bad breadth. LB went for Tom and im taking Yam.

Ok, you'll ask y despite all the physical flaws are we still going out with them. One word. Boredom. Plus they look really good when they are dancing and the the occassional flashes of spotlight across their face.. you all know about the light effects in clubs. Anyway, we decide to ask them out for supper on night, probably 2 days after knowing them. Industry standards. LB called and they told us to wait for them at the hospital near Botanical Gardens (shit i forgot wats it called). Anyway, because they sounded so secretive over the phone, LB and me figured something might be wrong so we parked the car further down and i staked out at the overhead bridge. They show up about 14 years later.. Thais have no sense of timing.

We head to Newton for supper, which by then we are already bored cos they are less appealing out of the club. We arrive, and ordered food. The usual banter...blah blah blah.. and then some jokes.. haha ha.. and then it all went wrong...

While Yam's laughing, i spot a chilli flake (quite a sizeable one) stuck to her upper gum. I cannot stop staring. LB sees it too, and he's not saying anything. I look at him and we say nothing. Ok, i've got this thing about food in people's teeth. I cannot bring myself to tell them, LB has the same illness. I start to think of a distraction.

a) make no eye contact at her
b) tell LB to stop telling jokes that makes her laugh
c) know that the night is fucked.

Call us anal.. but i cannot bring myself to tell people of buffet left overs on their teeth. I keep telling myself to LOOK away. I start focusing on her A/B cup boobs.. not helping. Everytime she laughs, i cry.

I can smell retribution here..
**LB, explain to me again.. why did we hook up with them?