The Best Afternoon Entertainment Ever

I wake up to the best SMS message in the longest time, and its the most romantic thing a stranger has said to me in a while. The SMS reads, "Wanna Sex Tonight?" I kid u not people, i excuse the poor English for the captivating content it has. Now i know why my GP teachers always emphasize on the substance of our papers over the ability of the English language.

The SMS is from some strange no. which is not stored in my phone. I've seen one too many episodes of Punk'D to fall entirely for it, and i've had tons of strange people messaging me before, but none with such an 'A+' content. I decide that waking to this is worth my time and effort.

I reply, "And who the Fuck may u be?"

While waiting for a reply, i start telling the guys on MSN abt the SMS.

Reply comes in, "The gal of ur dreams. Making u a lucky boy tonight." The content is less engaging, but enuff for me to continue our SMS sex.

ME: "Lucky boy in my context would be striking 4D tonight. U on the other hand wld be the lucky one if u hook up with me."

I wait barely a min. Horny Mystery Gal (HMG), as i've decided to name her, replies, "Can u handle me? I know i can definately (spelling error here for her) take u in entirely." Ok, HMG is good at innuendos, but her spelling even with the aid of the predictive text is fucked. Thankfully, i rank my gals on their boob sizes, looks and ability to flirt shamelessly, i overlook bad spelling and poor English when i see effort being put in. Im typing out the EXACT words she sent.

ME: "Oooh I smell a challenge.. Bring it on!"

The reply stops. I bitch to Sue about how my afternoon SMS sex conversation has come to an abrupt end. LB comes to pick me from my place to head out to buy feeder fish.

HMG finally replies, "10@ Raffles Hotel". Ohhh she took so long cos she was making hotel arrangements? I forgive her immediately.

ME: "Why not now? Im impotent after 9pm. U better be pretty, I cannot fuck ugly people. Its just wrong. My dick will not be happy."

HMG: "I know u want me. U hinted to me before. Guess u already know who am i."

Rite.. this msg is probably the one that killed the game for me. LB and i go through who i could have said this to. Firstly, the people whom i've even mildly hinted to are either not in SG already, or i've prob already slept with them. And those that i've hinted to, are people i usually know. So HMG now comes up as pretty much a phony. I pretty sure i've not hinted to anyone of late so my concern now is flushing out the real person behind HMG. LB is telling me things to say.

ME: "Wats my name?". I figured that this could be some random SMS prank. Yes people are that childish.

HMG: "XXX". She/he nails it with the correct spelling.

Using my Sherlock deductions, i figured that this has to be someone i know or is a friend of someone i actually know. Not that my name's hard to spell but there are couple of variations to it. And plus I dun give my no. out to people in clubs, so this has to be an inside job. Elementry my dear.

ME: "Wahahaha tell me who are u pretty plsss"
HMG: "See u tonight"
ME: "Do i even know u?"
HMG: "Duh... U are an arts student in nus"
ME: "Are u in NUS too?
HMG: "Nope.. U wish"

Right, so HMG isnt an arts student, but the content is slowly losing its appeal to me.. where are the sexual connotations? where are the KEY words like 'SEX' ? Im now just curious on who HMG really is.

Com'on, hands up if u wish such things happen to u, getting a sms from someone asking u if u wanna fuck them. Be honest, who doesn't? Its like waking up on X'mas morning and ya parents tell u they bought u a stripper to play with at nite, but we cant unwrap her till 10pm. Fuck, i hate waiting. Nobody teases me, I do the teasing ard here! Sorry, I now belong to a special group of boys who recieve kinky SMSes, I now spit at "good morning hows ya day?" type of msgs.

Half of me is hoping that in my drunkard stupor i hooked up wif some chick at the club, gave her my no. and totally forgot abt it. But im quite sure tt didnt happen. Fuck. I hate being sober even when im heavily intoxicated. I run thru the gals again. Shit. The possible ones are foreigners who's SMS would probably go something like, "I is really want u.. i waiting u in hotel." The local chicks i know wld not need the annonymity.

I decide to call HMG. The bitch does not pick up. I fucking knew it u prank playing cock teasing bitch! Ok, back to story.

ME: "Pick up the fucking phone, cock teaser"
HMG: "No.. Im busy. Can't u wait for tonight?"
ME: "Nope, i dun meet strangers. Im shy"
HMG:"I'll find out later.."
ME: "Maybe.. just maybe. Call me then we'll see."

HMG is losing the enagement she had me with her first couple of msgs. I'm bored. It happens. I suffer from having a short attention span, could be the loss of key phrases. It's been at least 6 sms and she's not said anything romantic like ' i want u right now' or a 'fuck me good tonight' would have be sweet to commemorate our 8th SMS exchange. Ahh fuck HMG, Butterfly is bored.

HMG: "U dun really sound keen. Shall i give a pass on u?"

ME: "I dun even know who u are, for all i know, u could be some big ass guy waiting to fuck my virginal ass. Call me then we'll see."

That ended my afternoon entertainment. I was gonna meet this other gal from the club that nite so i didnt follow up. Com'on who in their right mind wld. Its a prank, but it did give me some entertainment, and on a self reflection note... i think i better start remembering people i meet.