Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Girl farts, tries to deny it

I want to set the record straight that I have nothing against farting. It's a natural process, your body behaves in trying to disgrace you publicly, voluntarily or otherwise. It's one thing to laugh it off, but when you try to hide it, you will be laughed at.

I went on a date the other day. Yes, even for me, it's not always straight to the bedroom. I've known this girl for a while now and she makes good company. Especially when I want someone to tell me endlessly about their life. Its always good to know that my life is better than yours.

We get into the lift up to the carpark right off a conversation on Thai food. In a 10 second pause while we stand staring at the digital interface, I distinctly hear an ass whistle. It was one of those that you'll think to go off like a careless whisper but it turns out to be Gun's & Roses live in Tokyo instead.

I turn to look at her and in the FASTEST silence breaking 'I must hide my embarassment', she throws up a completely random,

She: "Today is Thursday issit?"

Giggling alittle, I then proceed to correct the obvious.

Me: "No sweetheart, it's Friday."
She: "Oh issit?"

Either farting makes people dumber or farting is generally followed by poor acting. Which ever the lesser of two evils is, I'm heading for a full blown laugh. I look away then furtively scratch my nose, taking a whiff or two.

Me: "Did you just fart?"

I end the sentence half breaking into a giggle.

She: "No."

In a poker game, her look was that of a trying bluff. Except for this, she was bluffing her hand for 4 aces while holding three cards. It's pretty obvious, even for 4 year old kids with lollipops stuck in their nose. I'll make this real simple.

Look. There's only she and me in the lift. I sure as hell didn't fart cos if I did, this story would be about how I soiled my pants. So if it ain't me, it had to be her, or Colonel Mustard in the library with a candlestick.

I start mildly convulsing in my giggle, like school girls over neo print discounts.

Me: "Ok.."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

She: "I didn't!"

Me: "I know..."

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

She starts laughing along with me.

She: "What.. haha what's... wrong?"

Com'on, if you fart just admit. People fart in my presence all the time. I had a girl fart while giving me heading and she actually said, "Excuse me" before she continued sucking away like no tomorrow.

Me: "YOU JUST FARTED!"

She: "NO I DIDN'T.. REALLY!"

Yes, next you'll tell me Barbie's are brunettes.

11 Comments:

At 4:35 PM, Blogger Ecstasy said...

LOL. That's fucking hilarious!

 
At 9:21 PM, Blogger Clarence said...

Nothing wrong with farting, unless you friends are holding a farting contest and you all are in one room, with no way for escape.

I got into that mess in Sweden when my friends (this great couple) start farting at each other. Nevertheless I managed to survive that and relate that to anybody who cares to listen.

 
At 2:33 AM, Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

who knows.. it could be a third 'person' who farted.

;)

 
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