The Ladyboy Discourse

Edit: Answers to the ladyboy test here.

Yesterday was the first time since I got back from OZ that I stepped into a club and I realised what lack of sleep and alcohol can do to me. It makes me yawn, alot. Maybe its the crowd, maybe its the music or maybe I've come to like rave spots so much that mellow RnB and house just don't cut it.

I got hit on by a ladyboy yesterday. In heels and standing close to 1.80, she's Kareem Abdul- Jaber on a ladies night out. The thing about these Ladyboys is that they are hot, would-fuck-them-in-an-instance hot. They out strut, out pout and out suck (so I've heard) any female. This ladyboy was hot, long wavy hair, Gisele molded body and a face you'd use to illustrate the perfect face on. While some men aren't able differentiate fact from fiction, especially Caucasians, I'm way to familiar in this to be fooled. I did a term paper on them, I'm an encylcopedia in this field.

Think you can tell fact from fiction? Here's a test. Which do you think are ladyboys and which are real ladies?




Some people (*cough* Blaque *cough*) are offended by Ladyboys because they see them as freaks of nature. If you are one of them, then you sadly have a myopic view on society and I hope your child grows up normal or you'll probably gas them. Think you got my test right? Or have you slept with any of them?

For the guys who've been in a situation where they are mind fucked over the true sexuality of their dates. I've been there before and I've friends who have treaded this path of paranoia. Thankfully you have me to clear your doubts. Bow down and say a word of thanks.

Firstly, physiogamy traits. Its hard to tell. You know how they say to look out for Adam's apple and stuff, its bullshit. They can be removed. The closest thing you can tell is from the hands and feet. Generally they have larger hands/feet that women their size are allowed to have. Whatever the case, if you have ignored all this and dived straight into the sheets, then take a deep breath and stick ya fingers down under.

Do not worry if it feels weird, if you've fucked enough women, you'll know that everyone is built differently so sometimes they feel different. If after 15mins of foreplay, you discover her to be as dry as Asahi, 3 things are possible.

A) You absolutely suck at foreplay. You might want to invest ALOT in lube in future. Either you are getting ALL the erroneous spots wrong like licking eyeballs and fingernails, or you are just not cut out for it. Leave the ladys to us, and go back to playing Warcraft.

B) Some girls have genetic defects which makes them unable to lubricate naturally. You might want to check her IC on this. People lie alot when they are naked.

C) You hit the jackpot! You have yourself a Ladyboy and can now fuck both a man and woman at the same time. This is basement bargain for a threesome.

Some people think sex with ladyboys are ok, since they are biologically non-male. Whatever rocks your boat. The notion of non-male is not always female. I will not cast judgement upon you for I have friends who have dated ladyboys.

According to my friend, they are able to naturally lubricate but I've checked medical resources and the state that natural lubrication is not possible. I take it that when medical sciences say lub, they mean 'i-am-a-human-super-soaker' wet. Either that or my friend is taking perspiration as natural lubrication. They do secrete some juices, but it's not sufficient unless abrasions are your cup of tea.

While I will never sleep with one, I love talking to them because they are VERY interesting. They engage you in witty banter and they know exactly how to keep you interested. When I did my paper on them, I got to know some of them personally and learnt of their struggles. They are like everyone else, looking for love. And in their case, its even harder because as hot as they are, how many of you wouldn't mind a ladyboy as ya wife. Mum will beam in delight, I can tell.

you: "Hi mum, this is your new daughter in law. We'll be adopting from now on. She's fake."

One of them (in the above pic) told me about how her failed relationship with her bf eventually drove her into prostitution. She also told me some very interesting sex stories of perverted old men who get them to play out wild fantasies and a young man who came within seconds of her going down on him. She also told me that she'd never do Blacks again, cos the last one had such a huge dick she gagged when he shot into her mouth. The bottomline is, they usually prefer Chinese men, not because we are better in bed, but because we are less demanding, more docile and we treat them better than the others.

The most hilarious one was about her working in a massage parlour years ago and this was pre-op. She already looked liked a female, had a C cup (she told me hormones got her up to a small B and silicon did the rest) and was already as pretty as she is now. The only thing was that she still had a dick which was already close to usless and she taped it. She was serving this Japanese customer when he slipped his hand under her skirt while she was massaging his back. He felt the buldge and started screaming and she thought it was because she had broken something in his back. This story wasn't meant to be funny because it was used to highlight some of the 'down' times in her life.

Me: "WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Are you kidding me. If you tell me something like that, I don't care what context its in, I'm going to laugh my ass off.

Back to the story. The thing about yesterday is that I deliberately got myself picked up, cos I knew she'll be interested. I'm such a slut and I do really dumb things sometimes when I'm bored. I smiled at her then walked off to stand alone by the side of the dance floor. Her friend who towers over me comes over to stand beside me and immediately gets hit on by this group of guys. They are not goodlooking, so she ignores them. Thats exactly why I love them because while they scream for attention and they also have the aptitude to reject inferior goods.

Her friend looks at me, smiles and I smile back. She makes a funny face to tell me about the guys that tried to pick her up. This was a time when I was still awake and didn't think befriending another ladyboy was going to be more enticing that awaiting the next good dance track. I make bad social decisions sometimes. I've had quite a bit in me because I emptied 1/8 bottle of Absolut Vanilla into a large coke from MacDonalds and I stole some drinks off LB and this other girl.

The night trickles on boringly, I decide that I'll need to entertain myself. LB is being wrapped by his chick and I'm beginning to space out. What do I do? I'm determined to get myself noticed by the hottest chick in the main dance area, even if she wasn't a real girl. I literally sashayed around her and found myself a spot where I could stand and look pretty. I smiled at her again and pretended to be interested in the half-fucked of a trance track they were playing.

10 secs after I had given her my most impish grin, I feel someone tap me on the butt. I turn to see her standing next to me. She sticks out her tongue jokingly, I return the courtesy facial gesture and she pinches me on the cheek.

She: "Lor Mak.." (Thai for good-looking)
Me: "Yes, I think so too"

Then she struts off. Yes, I'm a slut, I have to construct avenues for people to compliment me. HAHA the great degradation of me as we speak. Pre-mix drinks before party, getting LB to pay for my drinks (this is a first) and making ladyboys hit on me. I pat myself on the back for a job well done. Other than that I yawn incessantly, cut toilet queues, jump re-entry queues and constantly step on people while shuffling. I think I'm not made for clubs anymore.