Saturday, November 05, 2005

Butterfly returns to Zouk...cant get drunk

After the long absence I finally make my return to the place that started it all. U find it all at Zouk, premier club, where everyone one goes to see and be seen. U have hot chicks, expensive drinks, nice cars, expensive drinks, celebrities, beautiful people and expensive drinks.

Two things before i even got in the club told me that tonite was gonna be fucked. No, not the crowd.. the crowd at Zouk is NEVER below pagaent standards. Firstly, this Mini Cooper S infront of me is a real ass. This young punk driving it jus gets out of this car 15m from where the valet point is and it jams up the entire lane and i had to wait for the valet guy to come move his car. WTF! I tot only the Ferrari's get to do such assholish stunts. Wat, i dun go to Zouk for 2 months and Mini's become supercars?!

Secondly, im queuing in line and these 3 cheena pok girls start discussing about how to cheat on their bfs. Its the most elementry conversation i've heard all nite. These gals are idiots and they have zero experience, i bet they've never cheated in their lives. The whole thing revolves ard this gal not telling her bf she's at Zouk and needs to fabricate a lie. Some of the suggestions went like this..

Gal 1: "Tell him u go supermarket loh." Fucking idiot! IT"S 11.36pm!!!!
Gal 2: "Say u fall asleep loh, then never hear phone ring. Maybe he'll forget about it." Ya right, like thats ever gonna happen!!
Gal wif bf: "but later his frends see me how?"
Gal 1: "Then say last min friend's bday, and u forgot to bring phone so never tell him."

These girls are gonna get her killed by her bf. I hope they NEVER come to work in those 1900 teen aid hotlines. They'll kill all the troubled teens.

So on to the story proper. I head to Zouk to meet Reznor, Gt4 and this other gal, Tigerlily. Reznor tells me Tigerlily's friends are not coming. Boring. I get burned by a cig from this gal standing next to me. She's not pretty, i do not further expand her apology into a conversation.
I need drinks, so i head to the bar to exchange the coupons.

11.50pm: This chick at the bar keeps looking at me. I smile at her and she smiles back. She starts hugging this guy and continues smiling at me. Cock-teaser alert!
11.51pm: I continue grinning. I finnally get to the bar and im just beside her. She tells the guy im smiling at her. Guy stares at me. Girl is still smiling.
11.53pm: I get back to the guys and tell Reznor about it. He says, "Bro, i dun wan to get into a fight tonite."

Tigerlily and GT4 starts talking about some lady near the dance floor. She wants to know if the lady is from China. We all agree. But they want concrete proof. Suddenly i see how bored we must have been to start guessing people's nationality.

Me: "Just try to smell the cheap perfume on her."

I head down to where she is anyway, and stand right next to her. I stare and give her the 'hey wats up nod', China girl continues dancing. She cant be bothered with me cos her sugar daddy is next to her. Fuck her. I'm so not contributing to ya Panda conservation fund bitch!

TB, Jane and her frend Andrew comes to join us. Sue comes, leaves her camera wif me and disappears. I take a pic in Zouk. Bouncers come to tell me to stop. Wah.. that was fast. We head to Phuture. In between i chat with this girl outside the toilet cos she commented on my hair. I get a peck on the cheek from her. Conversation was boring, she's not pretty. Nuff said.

Andrew buys the famous Zouk Long Island Tea. Apparently its the best brewed shit to come out of this joint. The stuff is moderately lethal. I've had a whole jug of Burbon and some beer already. I'm officially not allowed to drive legally. No one gives a shit about me or my driving. GT4 gets another round Heinikens and Barcardi Breezers.

I head to the toilet and i see two men peeing in the same cubicle. I say "so thats how its done now" to this caucasian man next to me. He thinks im funny, and he ask if i want to give it a try. I tell me, "I have a bad aim and i do it squatting." He cracks up. I fuck u not, he comes up, shakes my hand in the toilet and says "u're a cracker!". I think crackers are slangs for gay ya? I must admit.. im the prettiest thing in the toilet. I dun blame him.

GT4 starts making out with Tigerlily. Reznor comes to tell me he just kissed TB. I scan my options. Hmm... not anyone i want to kiss. I'll probably have to marry Jane if i kiss her. This gal puts her glass on our table. I stare at her. She gets scared and she takes her glass away. I tell her im kidding, she goes "no its ok. I'll hold it." Yippie me.. Butterfly scares the shit out of innocent lamb. One point to me.

This fat gal comes to ask if she can put her drinks on the table. GT4 and Reznor gives her a toast. I tell her.

Me: "U should really lay off the beers..."
Reznor: [laughing] "shut up bitch!" he's saying it to me. Relax, Reznor is a gentleman. unlike me.
Me: "Dude, im serious. She really needs to."

Needless to say, fat girl does not have attractive friends. I am a superficial asshole. I know.

GT4 starts talking to this girl seating next to him. He introdues me to her. I shake her hand and say, "Worst.Handshake.Ever"

Me: "The penalty for bad handshake is to drink."
She: "Huh, since when?"
Me: "Just drink..."
She: "Are u serious or are u just making it up?"

My night of kissing eligibles is highlighted by Forrest Gump over here, and the Nutty Professor, who is still not laying off the juices. Jane is leaving with Andrew. He tells me he thought i was a Mudd (is that how its spelt?). Big insult u asshole. But i forgive u cos u bought me drinks. Long island tea makes me hold grudges for maybe 3sec tops. Everyone's an angel if u buy that for me.

I stick my tongue out at Tigerlily and she licks it. Ohhhh... playa alert. I start dancing with her and she asks me "what do u want?" Wow, didn't know Zouk had dancing undercover waitresses these days. I start popping shots of beer with them and myself. I alternate shots of beer with LIT and breezer. Breezers are the whimpiest drinks on earth. They're for the 7-11 store people to get high on while listening to 98.7. I desperately seek my utopian state of high. Not getting it.

We headed back to Zouk close to 3pm. The music is perfect. It's heavier than it was before and the crowd is thinning out nicely. I have just the perfect amt of room to dance. The crowd is a good kaleidescopic mix of beautiful chinese people and horny caucasian gay men. TB and me move up to the platform to dance. I smell raging testosterones. I see men frenching each other. I tell TB to protect me. I swear, im in the middle of Gay Pride. I think some of them jus got married in the corner, shld be the gay mudds.

Tigerlily starts showing me random pics on her handphone and goes, "So that you'll be on ya toes.." Huh what toes? Its like the Russell Peters clip and the "Be a man, do the right thing" joke... no relation.

Lights come on. I'd say it was a rather entertaining nite. Butterfly is not drunk again.

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