Butterfly's 2 weeks of debauchery

I never thought it'd be possible to be out partying 11 nights in a row, but we just did it. Do I hear a record being broken? Pop the coke bottles and save the champagne because I'm taking a well deserve sabbatical from drinking. My liver is truly in dire states and I'm developing a mild adversion to binge drinking. I need rest, some good sex and alot of prata before I can resume what I do best, making a fool of myself.

Anyway, this is my party guide to Taiwan. Well, the censored ones at least.

LUXY

This is like the equivalent of Zouk in Taiwan. Almost everyone has heard of this and it's been around for a while now. The good thing about this place is that it has two sections. The large main hall plays Hip Hop coupled with dancers prancing around in non-synchronized choreography and bartending sideshows. The other room is a mix of house and trance, nothing fantastic about that quality of music they play. Nothing near decent or good enough to have me invade the dance floor.

We went there twice and all I can say is that I could have spent my NT$1500 on PPV porn and still get a better marginal statisfaction level. Don't get me wrong, the place is nice if you dig Hip Hop. You can slug it out with all the other West Coast slanging, Bling Bling wearing, ghetto jumping, P. Diddy wannabes. Talk to the hand girlfriend.

But but Butterfly.. we love Hip Hop. Yes, you and the 90 percent of Taiwanese youths who can't string together a more perspicuous sentences than me on a tongue leash. I need variety. Give me House and Trance.

I give this, 3 out of 5 Butterflies

Club 151

I went there with LB and RoundEyes on the first Saturday. We were actually looking for another place when a kind policeman re-directed us here instead. The good thing was the NT$450 cover which came with a free flow all night.

I started hitting on the door bitch early into the night. She wasn't exactly very hot but she had sharp features and wore some killer heels. That was until she got off the stool and her height dipped alittle. The female hobbit was about 1.50m, with her 3" heels on. Yikes!

The thing about this free flow and like all other free flow clubs is that you have to hold on to your white plastic cup for the refills. The drinks are also limited to the usual suspects. Whiskey coke..gin tonic..vodka lime..screwdriver.. wadever. Don't expect to get drunk on this shit. Jolly Shandy has more potency and probability to knock you out faster than gulping those pre-mixed urine.

Some fight broke out and the guys went out to watch. They ended up making friends with some old horse whom we suspected to be gay. I don't complain much because he took us out for supper and sent us back, largely because he was into LB. The club kinda turns into a huge sausage party after 3am. I know so, when I see men rubbing each other's dicks when dancing. Masturbating is NOT dancing.

2 Butterflies.

TU - Taiwan Underground

Hip Hop club, free flow.. very crowded, I felt like I was at a Mango store-wide sale. I hate people to do hip hop jumping dances when it's crowded, the muthafuckers keep crushing my toe. "ouch" is obviously not an international word cos they ignored me. I need to find the Mandarin version. Nuff said.

We had to squeeze into some members area. GT4 lied about being friends with some local prick and the bouncer let us in. We lie even when we are on holiday, Santa will be pleased.

2 Butterflies

Club 18

This is some club that's opened by some apparent celebrity whom I've not heard of. Anyway, the only two Taiwanese people that really matters to me are Elva Hsiao and Kelly Lin, anyone else is just a famous name. There's some other club Lava or Patio that's in the same building thats also very popular. *cough* Hip Hop *cough*.

The good thing about this club is that it has two rooms, one plays *yawn* hip hop again and the other plays a decent mix of house and break beats. The first night we get there, we open 3 bottle of whiskey which entitles us to a table. Ok here's the thing with Taiwanese disco's. Tables have to be paid for which is usually absorbed partially under the bottle cost. They call it "包厢".

We paid NT$8800 for 3 bottles. Its a package but call it anything you like, we call it a steal.

Waiter: "We have a promotion, NT$8000 for table and 2 + 1 bottle."
Me: "So it's 3 bottles for NT$8000?"
Waiter: "It's 2+1, buy two get one free."
Me: "Ermm.. that makes 3 bottles right?"
Waiter: "Yes, 2+1."

We went back again on another night to finish up the remaining two bottles with GT4 and some of his friends. Ok pay attention if you want to know how we picked the Taiwanese girls up.

First, having alot of drinks is a good start. You just need to go up to them and say, "Hey, can you help us finish the drinks?" or any variation close to that. When I'm close to being sloshed, I just tell them, "Come and drink with me." They usually do, but that's me. LB sometimes just waves for them to come over.

Second, speak in English or have an accent in your talk. However, if you can't slang for nuts, don't, its disgusting. I go up to multiple people asking, "Can I borrow a lighter." in immaculate English. They usually start talking to me after that. Guys and girls alike, usually asking me where I'm from. I say anything from Singapore to Australia to Japan, they don't really bother anyway. The bad thing is that I usually don't remember them after I leave, especially the guys.

Third, just be brave and start a conversation. Remember, you are on holiday. Even if you fuck up, no one is ever going to know. Plus, people are ALWAYS nicer to tourist because your time there is limited and no matter what happens, you'd be gone.

I'm not making the 3rd point up. The local girls there told us so themselves. So it's right from the horses mouth. Precious words that you'll need to remember. Hey, I've been told that 10 fuck ups leads to at least one fuck.

Fourth, be cheeky be witty but do everything in moderation. There's such a thing as vibe. If you think the girl's not baiting.. MOVE ON.

Fifth, having a maestro like LB in your camp is always a good idea. LB is the altruistic girl-finding campaign utility man. He'll get any girl you want, all you need is point and get the drinks ready. I'm good to have around before I get pissed drunk, after that I'll hurl random thrash talk at your girl if she is ugly or fat.

On the second night, we collectively hit on enough girls to form a net ball team, whatever that number is. There's a pretty bartender in the House section if you ever head there. Her name's Ivy. She gave us free drinks and mixes from time to time, so I'm not sure if my recollection of her is swayed by the drinks.

Just look at the picture post, the waitress and almost all the girls, including the worst Taiwanese girlfriend are from that club. Anyway, if you are into house and trance, Hed Kandi is going to be there in June, you should check that out. Hed who? Nevermind if you are still postering BEP and Ciara, my taste in party is alittle different from yours.

Edit: On one of the nights I got quite drunk and started puking on the walk home. Half staggering, half spreading my legs to puke between them while walking and clutching my shirt tightly against my chest so that I don't stain it. Absolutely GQ magazine glamourous. I woke up the next day feeling like I swallowed 2 cups of seamen and urine and swore that I was staying off alcohol for the trip.

That's what we ALL say after a hangover. 10hrs later, I'm back at the clubs licking the glass for the last drop of whiskey.

4.5 Butterflies

Pubs

When we first got there, we knew close to nothing about the nightlife in Taiwan. Blame it on plenary laziness and over-indulgence in alcohol. We half expected the locals here to point us in the right direction. Never depend on them, EVER.

The next best thing we got was a map from the hotel which showed several nightlife spots to visit. THOSE MAPS SUCK. The places are either, closed, relocated or are made for old men. Those pubs suck. They are basically karaoke pubs where you an get the girls (some are young, the ones we met are actually pretty goodlooking) to sit and drink with you, for a fee.

We went to the pubs along ShuangChenJie which is littered with karaoke pubs with lots of working girls waiting to drink with you. We dived in, into the unknown, picking the club with the youngest prettiest girls, since eye candy should usually offset bad decisions. The shit thing was that if we wanted the girls to sit with us, we had to pay them something like NT$300. ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?! Paying someone to drink my drinks?!

Girl: "Do you want us to sit with you?"
LB: "No its ok, I want to talk to him."
Girl: "Really? You can talk to us too.."
LB: "I think I'll just stick to talking to him.."

BORING, do not even bother. You'll have more fun watching the roadside vendors fry omelettes than sitting there hearing drunkards blow your eardrums to oblivion.

-1 Butterfly

KTVs

I'm referring to the other KTV, the one where people actually get to grope boobs. I've already written about this in my previous post so I won't elaborate. Firstly, I think that paying NT$4000 for 2 hours is insane. Even with free bottles and a handjob. The girls aren't very pretty and there's not much more you can drink in the additional hour anyway.

My suggestion to you if you want the experience is to opt for a 1hr session which comes up to about NT$2300. You get 1 bottle and you get unlimited singing time. Just that the girls leave after an hour. Seriously, there's nothing fanatastic about them that you'll need the additional hour with. I think paying for handjobs are stupid... you can fucking pay me and I'll don a wig for you.

Unless you have ALOT of cash to spend.. give this place a miss.

4 Butterflies if you have money to burn. 1 Butterfly otherwise.

XiMenDing

Huge shopping area with shops that just duplicate one another. The only incentive for walking into similar stores is seeing the pretty store assistants. This is one place I can spend an entire day chasing skirts. Taiwanese can really dress, period.

If you are very into shoes and casual wear, this is a devil's playground for you. I got lost in mindless shopping and my only restraint came with the thinning of my wallet. Bless credit cards. I spent about SGD$600 on clothes and I'm not even the leader of my pack. LB blew well over $1000 and Draco probably hit close to that figure with just a few shirts. And who says men don't shop.

One more thing I like about Taiwan which I forgot to mention, are the toilets. The toilets there are VERY clean. even for small departmental stores and fast food outlets. Some have cute automated gadgets like automatic seat lifting and stream jetting your ass with squirts of water. Either Taiwanese pride themselves with constant cleaning of the loo, or they don't pee or shit much.

The GREAT thing about Taiwan is that the shops close late. 11pm on a weekday and well over midnights on weekends. When I got back to Singapore I bitched alot about them closing at 9.40pm and wondered how I managed to get through life here. Oh yes, I don't go out much here anyway. I think I have to start adding these in.

End notes:

Though we spent every night out clubbing till the wee hours of the morning, I drank less alcohol collectively in that 11 nights than I did in my 4 days at Adelaide. I am no longer who I used to be, the revered binge drinker that scorned all others who fell before my mighty liver. My family rejoices at my docile indulgence and LB mocks me to tickle the drinker that's slowly retreating into dormancy.

This is the slow demise of the Butterfly that I'd once been so proud to challenge any who questioned me. Perhaps conscience and awareness is breeding fear into me. As of writing this, I've gone 5 days without alcohol and my liver is rested, so Ecstasy and Skye can tempt me with juice starting now. Tonight, I resume drinking duties once again, albeit moderately. Remember....

Only the good die young.