The Taiwan Picture Stories pt 2

This is the door bitch at Club 18. I gave up 20mins of sacrilegious drinking time to chat her up. Why do I like her? Cos' she has sharp features and she has a cute ass. I'm shallow. Hey, that's why you all love me. Ok, I'll give you a run down of what I said to her.

Me: "Where do I apply to work here with you?"
She: "They are not hiring now."
Me: "Anything else I can do to stand next to you all night?"
She: "You can come here again tomorrow."

There's nothing magical in the things I say. I said the above in broken Mandarin and still managed to get her contact and a kiss. It's all about getting the vibe and knowing your strengths.

Ok, I'm bullshitting. I was already tipsy when I started hitting on her, so it's all about chance.

Anyway, there was this other waitress that was way hotter and looked like Kelly Lin. That bitch refused to be photographed. I say it again, THAT BITCH. Seriously, she actually told me she would only take a pic for NT$200, and that I could stuff teh cash down her blouse. Oh, wait.. that's right. I was drunk and too cheapskate to catch the joke. Wadever.

This is the light of my week in Taiwan. She sells orange juice at a stall near where we stay. So everyday, I'll go buy a cup from her with the intention of chatting her up. The orange juice is pretty good but 3 straight days of drinking gets to you. I'm a conniving boy, everything has to have a motive.

Tues:

I buy a cup and tell her to give em a discount for the following days. We make small talk.

Wed:

I tell her the same shit I did yesterday because my Mandarin vocab allows to say funny stuff once a week. I've yet to expand my arsenal and have to stick to the normal banter.

Thurs:

We exchange numbers, she calls me after work and joins us for a night out on the town.

On one of the days she brought along her sister which LB liked alot. I can't remember the others but she met me everyday after that. So nice having someone in a foreign country. Everyone should have temp foreign girlfriends. If I was Prime Minister, I'll make dating foreigners while abroad mandatory.

The day before I left, I wrote on a piece of paper in verbatim,

"You are very cute, I'd REALLY like to kiss you."

I also said to her in Jap,

Me: "Kisu shitemo ei?"

She told me then that she didn't know what I was saying, but before I boarded the plane, she told me that she lied about not understanding and asked why didn't I say it to her again that night. Orrhh.. so sweet. Yawn.

Random club pictures with the girls. When I'm drunk, everything is a good idea. Even terrorising passerbys to kiss us before they pass. There are alot more but I'm having some problems with uploading pictures and it's pissing me off big time so I won't bother posting. That time is better spent clipping my nails.

I don't really know either of them. The top one I spoke to because LB was hitting on her friend. The bottom one I was random. I told her it was mandatory to take a picture as a toll fee for passing through us. This is actually the worst pic of her but its the only one that shows her boobs.


This is an example of why I say the English language is non-existent. 5yr old Singaporean kids on E can do a better translation than them. I can't believe its possible to print out something like that. Haven't they ever heard of Mircosoft Word? MS Word would never allow something like that to be even printed. In case you can't read, this is what it says

"Is it after the necessary dish, please put it to opposite meal in the plate of platform to insert number, you of desk to choose, attendants will arrange the good delicacy, will send to your dining table. thanks!"

Say what? What is this.. Da Vinci's code? A fucking anagram?!

Trying to infer is less fun than just blatantly laughing at their raping of the language. All together now..

HAHAHAHAA [pause] HAHAHAHAHAHA


Righ,t so since this is about me and everything should be about me. Here.. this is a picture of me. With my face on it. Save it, its going to be worth millions after I become President. I have lots of people telling me that mystery is always good, and hence I should never reveal my face. Seriously, do you think I bother about this mystery effect? The one reason why all this anonymity is that the consequence of my actions can come back to haunt me, hmmm wait.. that has happened alot before.

I'm a photo whore. If you leave me in a corner with a mirror, I'm going to be smiling at myself. I understand why people love taking pictures so much. It's not because we are vain, but because we see the beauty in us. If you look in the mirror and see only flaws, you are fucked up and should join the bulimic plastics. Go find a spot and vomit. Anyway, if all fails, there's always photoshop. Just pray that your photoshopping is better than mine.

Alot of people tell me I'm vain. I won't dispute that, I love myself. I don't believe anyone should hate themselves, it'll be a torture to look in the mirror everyday. They laugh because I pluck my eyebrows in the morning and I never leave home without waxing my hair. Yes, I'm meterosexual in a sense, but I believe EVERYONE should pride their appearance. Lazy people are ugly people. This trip to Taiwan has just confirmed the miracles of makeup. Bless Lancome and Anna Sui!

Ok, beauty is subjective, but obesity isn't. So if you have flabs hanging off you and you look like Humpty Dumpty after a buffet, you should really do something about it. I've blistered my fingers writing about the negativity of obesity and why they should pay double in clubs and why it's a crime. But, what the hell, here's another one. Obese people should never take pictures, everything will be about them.