The First Blowjob Story

The first blowjob experience is always a milestone to be etched in our memories, just like that first kiss.. the first fuck.. the first time some bitch cheated on you. Beautiful memories those are. Mine's no different, but unlike all of you, I actually had this compartmentalized under "bad memories, needs to be deleted."

I remembered this after talking to Red on similar issues, and I figured it'll be good material, since it invovles me in a caprice of hilarity aimed to destroy all affinity I have with sex. It's been an experience I'd have taken with me to my grave, but incidents have happened of late and I'm no longer binded by conscience to hold my tongue. Let my wrath be heard..

The only thing worst than first timers, are first timers without a clue. This girl had until the first time she gave me a handjob, never watched porn before, let alone seen a live member. The handjob was forgettable, she knew she had to stimulate the dick, just that she had no idea how.

It was a valiant effort shaking my member from side to side and in circles, everything except stroking it vertically. I had to stop this from blowing into a fiasco and uttered my first pillow talk vulgarity, stop.

Me: "Stop.. stop.. It goes up and down.."

After I set her on the right course, inferring how the penis worked became easy for her. She was a smart girl, that I give it to her. She was willing to please, but lacked ALOT of imagination and experience. She was vanilla when it came to this. The question now remained, was she prepared to move on to blowing? It was a good thing she understood that stimulating the penis went in vertical motions, I can't imagine her shaking my penis wrapped in her mouth side to side.

I'm sure everyone's got a bad blowjob tale lingering somewhere at the tip of their tongue. There's only one enemy to the penis, it's called.. TEETH.

It didn't occured to me then that anyone who had never watched porn and attempting a virginal blowjob was a potential haemorrhaging hazzard. This was my forray into sexual suicide, one that I had misculculated. My oversight of the impending calamity came from a coupling of juvenile anticipation and excitement of a naked body and finally being initiated into sexual maturity. When someone's mouth is 2 inches from your member, calculating risk assessments are the furthest thoughts from you.

Then I felt it, the warmth of the mouth. Wet, warm and all calming. I was in ecstatic heaven, nothing could take this away from me. Moments from now I'll be having an orgasm and savouring every minute from now till then was what I'm gonna do. I was wrong. VERY WRONG.

1 Minute into the blowjob, I started to feel a slight pain. This cannot be.. blowjobs aren't supposed to be painful, are they? Could it be like a girl's virginal fuck and how there is that initial pain? Could I have not done enough extensive research into this? Strange, I could swear this was not how it was supposed to be.

Then she pumped harder, and the pain was excruciating. I pushed her head back. She looked at me. Perhaps I was not made for blowjobs. Perhaps it's an anatomical dysfunction. I was not to be beaten, I signalled her to continue.

And again the pain came. Then I realised.. She was scrapping my shaft with her damn teeth! My member was red, pulsating with pain and soreness. Had the fiasco been given another 5 mins to play out, my dick would have been swollen with blisters and I'd have been ejaculating blood and pus.

Me: "Baby, you can't use your teeth!"
She: "I didn't..."
Me: "Trust me, you did.."

Me: "Lick, suck.. just don't use the teeth."

We continued shortly after that, it was better. The pain came in sporadic intervals which made hitting orgasm the impossibile probable.

Me: "Baby, you have to suck it in vertical motion. Just keep the teeth out."

It went good, slow and pleasurable. I wanted more..

Me: "Yes yes.. now faster.. and suck harder."

Ever wondered what greed and over-estimation of another person's ability does to you? It fucks you up. In her over zealous effort, she had forgotten about my one fear and that one rule of the penis. NO TEETH ALLOWED. Three teeth grinding thrust was all that was needed to kill me.

Me: "OOOOOOUUUUCCCCCCHH!!!!!!!!! I SAID NO TEETH!!!!!"

I think back now and I'm amazed I didn't give up on blowjobs. She got better subsequent of course, but never really had the aptititude to reach foreplay main event status. Coincidentally, the best blowjobs I've had are from the two Japanese girls in my past. I'm pretty sure its a cultural thing, they have fundamental starter kits built in them I swear.